The Ego Trip is an investigative account of how 5-MeO-DMT, a powerful psychedelic associated with the Sonoran Desert toad, moved from a little-known underground substance into international spiritual culture and clinical drug development. Journalist Kimon de Greef follows the rise of Mexican physician Octavio Rettig, whose public story cast toad medicine as an ancient Indigenous healing tradition, and examines the people and places affected by that story.

This is not a first-person guide to the experience. It is reported narrative journalism, built from interviews, travel, historical research and scrutiny of claims made by practitioners, researchers and companies. Its central question is larger than whether a psychedelic can occasion a mystical experience: what happens when people treat that experience as proof of their own authority, or turn it into a product?

At a glance

- Full title: The Ego Trip

- Author: Kimon de Greef

- Published: 2026, Doubleday, a division of Penguin Random House

- Structure: Prologue, eight chapters in two parts, and an epilogue

- Part One: Breakthrough

- Part Two: Everything Is Connected

- Best for: readers who want a reported history of modern toad ceremonies, a critical account of the claims made around them, and a look at the emerging clinical 5-MeO-DMT industry

- Reputation note: This is journalism rather than a clinical study. De Greef reports what interviewees said and what he could document, while showing how much of the movement's origin story and therapeutic claims remain disputed or unsupported.

About the author

Kimon de Greef is a journalist whose reporting has appeared in publications including The New Yorker and New York magazine. In The Ego Trip, he investigates the modern 5-MeO-DMT scene through on-the-ground reporting in Mexico and the United States, interviews with practitioners and community members, and research into the molecule's scientific and cultural history.

The short version

The book begins with a striking contradiction: 5-MeO-DMT is associated with reports of ego dissolution, unity and profound humility, yet the culture that forms around it can produce gurus, status hierarchies, commercial competition and abuses of power. De Greef uses the rise and fall of Octavio Rettig's reputation as a central thread.

Rettig's story was compelling. He said toad medicine helped him recover from addiction, and he began presenting himself as a healer who had rediscovered an ancestral Mesoamerican practice. He brought the substance to Seri communities in Sonora, Mexico, and his ceremonies attracted international attention. But the historical evidence for traditional Seri use of toad secretion was missing; Rettig himself later acknowledged that he had found no evidence of such use in Sonora. The book traces how a modern practice came to be described as ancestral medicine, and how that claim affected the Seri and the Sonoran Desert toads.

The second half follows the wider boom: collectors and traffickers responding to demand, people seeking spiritual or psychological relief, and companies trying to develop 5-MeO-DMT as a medical treatment. De Greef does not dismiss participants' reports of powerful or meaningful experiences. Instead, he separates the reality of those experiences from the much harder questions of efficacy, safety, cultural legitimacy, conservation and accountability.

The title points to the book's main warning. An experience that feels like the dissolution of the ego does not necessarily resolve the ego's ordinary habits. Insight can coexist with self-deception; healing stories can be used to claim authority; and even a sense that everything is connected can be commodified.

Chapter-by-chapter summary

Prologue

De Greef introduces 5-MeO-DMT, sometimes called the “God molecule,” and the Sonoran Desert toad whose secretions contain it. The compound can produce an abrupt and short-lived state in which people report losing their usual sense of identity, experiencing pure awareness or feeling immersed in white light. Public figures and psychedelic advocates have helped bring it into the mainstream.

The prologue also establishes the book's tension. The toad is a remarkable animal adapted to the harsh, seasonal Sonoran Desert, but human demand has turned it into a sought-after source of a psychedelic product. A charismatic Mexican doctor helped popularize the practice, presenting it as a powerful medicine and an ancient tradition. De Greef signals that behind the extraordinary healing stories are unresolved questions about harm, exploitation and the use of spiritual authority.

Part One: Breakthrough

The first part follows the emergence of modern toad smoking and the making of the story that helped it spread.

Chapter 1: The Rise of the Toad Doctor

Octavio Rettig becomes the book's central figure. A physician from Mexico with a history of severe drug addiction, Rettig says that toad medicine helped him find peace and recover. He begins sharing it with others, including people struggling with addiction, and eventually frames his work as the revival of an ancient Mesoamerican practice. His claim that he is restoring ancestral knowledge becomes central to his public identity.

The chapter traces Rettig's early life, his family background, his growing involvement with drugs, and his relationship with Gerardo “Gerry” Sandoval, a friend who also explored psychedelics and introduced Rettig to toad medicine. Rettig's recovery story and forceful personality help him attract a following. His public profile grows after appearances at psychedelic gatherings, particularly Burning Man, where audiences are receptive to messages about healing, consciousness and a return to nature.

De Greef places Rettig's rise within the wider psychedelic renaissance. A culture hungry for transformative experiences and new approaches to addiction gave the “toad doctor” a receptive audience. The chapter also shows how quickly a practitioner can become the face of a movement, with personal charisma and dramatic testimonials standing in for independent evidence.

Chapter 2: Magical Mystery Toads

This chapter investigates the history of the molecule and the origin story surrounding the toad. De Greef traces the scientific identification and synthesis of related tryptamines, the discovery of 5-MeO-DMT in natural sources, and the growing interest in its psychoactive effects. He also follows the long-standing speculation that ancient Mesoamerican peoples used the Sonoran Desert toad as a sacrament.

The key distinction is between evidence and possibility. Toad imagery in archaeological and artistic material has encouraged theories about ancient use, but it does not establish that people smoked the toad's secretions. The chapter examines how an evocative hypothesis can harden into a confident story as it travels through psychedelic books, informal networks and contemporary ceremony culture.

De Greef does not claim that historical use was impossible. Rather, he asks what evidence actually exists, and how practitioners' accounts of ancient tradition should be evaluated. The chapter ends with the question that will drive the next section of the book: who first connected modern toad smoking to Indigenous people in Sonora, and on what basis?

Chapter 3: People of the Desert and Sea

De Greef follows Rettig's relationship with the Seri, an Indigenous people whose communities live along the coast of Sonora. The story of toad medicine's Indigenous roots takes shape through encounters among Rettig, psychedelic seekers and people who suggest links between the toad and local traditions. Rettig comes to describe his work as a recovery of ancestral medicine and presents Seri participation as confirmation of that history.

The chapter examines the complicated realities behind this account. The Seri have their own language, ceremonial practices, songs and relationships with the land and sea. Those traditions are not interchangeable with the expectations of outsiders seeking a psychedelic experience. De Greef explores the way visitors and practitioners can select cultural details that support a compelling narrative while overlooking the community's actual history and priorities.

As toad ceremonies draw outsiders to the region, the practice becomes part of a larger economy of spiritual tourism. Visitors arrive hoping for healing, authenticity or access to an Indigenous tradition. The chapter asks who gets to define the practice, who benefits from the attention, and whether the label “ancestral” reflects documented history or a story assembled in the present.

Chapter 4: Backlash

The consequences of Rettig's influence become personal and public. De Greef follows people who came to believe that Rettig's conduct had harmed them or their families, including a couple whose experience with his ceremonies became a source of grief and anger. Their accounts challenge the idealized image of the charismatic healer and show how hard it can be to seek accountability in a community organized around reverence for a practitioner.

The chapter explores the gap between the promise of transformation and the responsibilities of someone who works with people in highly vulnerable states. Testimonials of dramatic healing can make a practitioner appear uniquely gifted, while criticism may be dismissed as misunderstanding, resistance or the result of the medicine itself. That imbalance can leave participants and relatives struggling to make sense of what happened.

The backlash also exposes the risks of a movement built around personality. Rettig's followers may see him as a visionary; others see someone who should be held accountable for his actions. The chapter does not ask readers to decide based on charisma or a single account. It shows why independent scrutiny, boundaries and mechanisms for reporting harm matter when a facilitator's authority rests heavily on personal devotion.

Part Two: Everything Is Connected

The second part widens the lens. It follows the toad itself, the communities and markets surrounding it, and the companies trying to turn the molecule into a clinical product.

Chapter 5: The Sonoran Toad Rush

Demand for toad secretion grows, creating pressure on both the animals and the people who collect them. De Greef follows the trade across the US-Mexico border and examines the unequal conditions under which it operates. For some collectors, the toad becomes a source of income in communities shaped by poverty, violence and limited options. For international customers, it can be a spiritual commodity associated with healing and personal transformation.

The chapter complicates the romantic image of a seeker travelling into the desert to meet a sacred animal. The modern market connects wealthy visitors and psychedelic entrepreneurs to people living with the consequences of drug trafficking and insecurity. Collecting and selling the secretion can expose local people to danger, while increased attention can put pressure on a species already living in a fragile environment.

De Greef also explores the uneasy relationship between conservation and demand. People may describe the toad as sacred or as a teacher while treating it as a renewable source of a product. The chapter asks what responsibility consumers and facilitators have for the ecological and human consequences of the market they help sustain.

Chapter 6: Wild, Wild Country

De Greef returns to Rettig's world and observes the everyday reality behind his public persona. Rettig's home and work function as a hub for people seeking treatment, spiritual breakthroughs or relief from addiction. The chapter depicts a setting where care, performance, belief and improvisation can overlap, and where the boundary between a healer's private identity and public authority becomes difficult to separate.

The reporting also follows the growing tourism around the Seri and the evolution of the toad's origin story. As more outsiders become interested, cultural symbols and practices can be repackaged for visitors who want an experience that feels ancient and authentic. De Greef considers the power imbalance involved when outsiders arrive with money, media attention and strong ideas about what Indigenous spirituality should look like.

A central theme is “spiritual bypassing,” the tendency to use spiritual ideas or experiences to avoid unresolved emotional problems and ordinary responsibilities. A powerful experience may feel like a clean break from the past, but it does not automatically produce lasting change. Rettig's own contradictions illustrate the danger: a person can speak convincingly about love, unity and transcendence while still carrying unexamined patterns of behaviour.

Chapter 7: Rocket Ship into the Void

The focus shifts to the emerging clinical and commercial future of 5-MeO-DMT. De Greef visits the world of psychedelic research and drug development, where companies are trying to turn a brief but powerful experience into a standardized medical treatment. Researchers and entrepreneurs see potential in a compound that may be administered within a short clinical session, and early reports and trials attract investors' attention.

The chapter distinguishes this work from informal ceremony. Clinical development involves questions about trial design, comparison groups, safety monitoring, measurable outcomes and whether improvements last beyond the immediate experience. Promising participant reports are not, by themselves, proof that a treatment works or that its benefits outweigh its risks. De Greef examines how companies present their results, how intellectual property and competition shape the field, and how financial incentives can influence the stories told about a drug.

The book also follows competing approaches to development and the people who believe they can bring the molecule to patients. The language of healing persists, but it now sits alongside patents, company acquisitions, investors and proprietary treatment models. De Greef's point is not that clinical research is inherently suspect; it is that scientific claims and commercial interests need to be examined separately, even when both promise relief for people who are suffering.

Chapter 8: All the Darkness Is Vanished

De Greef returns to Sonora in 2023 to see what has become of the people and places at the centre of the story. The Seri community is still navigating the arrival of visitors and the cultural attention attached to toad medicine. Some people embrace aspects of the practice; others question the way outsiders have framed it. The chapter examines the difference between a community's own traditions and the version of those traditions that psychedelic tourists hope to find.

The author revisits the question of cultural appropriation: when outsiders borrow Indigenous symbols, songs or stories to authenticate a modern practice, they may be using a selective image of a culture rather than learning from the people who live it. De Greef considers how this dynamic has played out in other psychedelic movements as well, where traditional knowledge is often turned into a marketable product.

The chapter also returns to the promise that a single breakthrough can make all past suffering disappear. Participants may sincerely experience relief, insight or a new perspective. But an epiphany is not the same as a durable change in behaviour, and a dramatic experience cannot settle every question about addiction, trauma or community wellbeing. The ending is deliberately ambivalent: the experiences people report can matter deeply, while the stories built around them can still obscure as much as they reveal.

Epilogue

The epilogue returns to the Sonoran Desert and its toads. De Greef describes the desert's dependence on scarce, irregular rain and the animals' emergence when the monsoon finally arrives. This ecological perspective contrasts with the global market's demand for a substance that comes from a living species.

The ending returns the story to a scale larger than any individual facilitator, seeker or company. The toads continue their lives within an environment shaped by drought, development and human activity. Their survival does not depend on the stories people tell about them, even as those stories have transformed their place in the world. The book closes on the tension between the mystery of nature and the human tendency to turn mystery into possession, explanation or product.

The book's central arguments

1. A powerful experience is not proof of a larger claim. People may genuinely experience unity, ego dissolution, relief or a sense of rebirth. Those experiences do not automatically prove a particular religious interpretation, establish that a practice is ancient, or demonstrate a treatment's clinical effectiveness.

2. Charisma is not accountability. A facilitator's personal story and the testimonials of clients can create extraordinary authority. The book shows why that authority needs independent checks, clear boundaries and ways for people to raise concerns without being dismissed.

3. The “ancient tradition” story needs evidence. De Greef traces how modern toad ceremonies became associated with Indigenous history. The book's reporting challenges confident claims of ancestral Seri use and shows how a contemporary practice can acquire the appearance of ancient legitimacy.

4. Indigenous communities are not props for outsiders' spiritual journeys. The Seri have their own history and priorities. The growth of psychedelic tourism raises questions about consent, representation, who benefits economically, and whether cultural symbols are being used to sell experiences to visitors.

5. Nature bears the cost of demand. The Sonoran Desert toad is not just a symbol or a source of a compound. It is a wild animal in a vulnerable ecosystem. The book connects consumer demand to collecting pressure, conservation questions and the social conditions of people involved in the trade.

6. Commercial medicine has its own incentives. Clinical research may eventually establish a useful role for 5-MeO-DMT, but early promise, investor enthusiasm and compelling anecdotes are not substitutes for rigorous evidence. The book shows how spiritual language can follow a compound into a world of patents and corporate competition.

What holds up well

- The distinction between experience and interpretation. The book takes people's reports seriously without treating their interpretations as automatically factual.

- The scrutiny of origin stories. It asks what historical evidence exists for claims that modern toad smoking is an ancient Indigenous practice.

- The attention to power. Rather than focusing only on the substance, it looks at facilitators, participants, families, communities, collectors, researchers and investors.

- The ecological perspective. It brings the actual toad and its desert habitat back into a conversation that can otherwise treat the animal as a means to a spiritual end.

- The examination of commercial incentives. It encourages readers to distinguish clinical evidence from promotional claims and investor narratives.

- The reporting approach. The book is built around interviews, observation and a sequence of real-world consequences, making it a useful counterweight to memoirs that focus almost entirely on personal revelation.

What to read critically

- Journalism is not a clinical trial. The book investigates the people and institutions involved; it cannot by itself establish the efficacy or overall safety of 5-MeO-DMT as a treatment.

- Reported accounts have limits. As with any investigative narrative, individual recollections and allegations need to be understood in context. The book's account is not a substitute for independent adjudication of every disputed event.

- The story is centred on a particular network. Rettig and the Seri are central to this book's reporting, but they do not represent every facilitator, participant, Indigenous community or research group associated with 5-MeO-DMT.

- Meaning and lasting benefit are different questions. A participant may find an experience life-changing. Whether that change endures, and whether it can be attributed to the substance rather than context or other support, requires careful follow-up.

- The clinical field is changing. Companies, trials and regulatory pathways continue to evolve. The book is a snapshot of a particular period in a rapidly developing field, not the final word on future research.

What it means for choosing a facilitator

The book offers a strong reason to look beyond a facilitator's charisma, personal healing story or claims of special spiritual authority. Ask how they screen for health risks, explain uncertainty, handle boundaries and consent, respond to adverse reactions, protect confidentiality, and support people afterward. Be wary of anyone who promises a cure, insists that a dramatic experience proves their authority, discourages questions, or uses an Indigenous origin story without being able to substantiate it.

It is also worth asking how a facilitator thinks about the source of the substance, conservation, cultural claims and the limits of their own competence. A meaningful experience and an ethical practice are not the same thing; both require care and accountability.

See How to Choose a Facilitator, Safety & Screening, Synthetic vs Toad Medicine, 5-MeO-DMT Research for related discussions.

Where to find it

The Ego Trip was published by Doubleday, an imprint of Penguin Random House, in 2026. Look for it through the publisher, bookshops or library catalogues.

Keep reading

- The Toad and the Jaguar by Ralph Metzner: an underground field report focused on experience, ceremony and lessons learned about safety

- Tryptamine Palace by James Oroc: a first-person account of a worldview-changing experience and the culture around it

- The Toad of Dawn: Octavio Rettig's own account of toad medicine and its claimed Indigenous roots

- The God Molecule: Gerardo Sandoval's account of the early story from another perspective

- All 5-MeO-DMT book summaries

This is a critical summary for educational purposes, not a substitute for reading the book, clinical evidence or medical advice. It deliberately leaves out dosing, preparation and administration instructions.